I used to think I was invincible. That I could survive on 5 hours of sleep. That I could game at night, build businesses, learn new things, hobbies, parent by day, and still give 110% at work.. because that’s just who I am. And honestly? I was proud of it!
But three years, one child, one decade of pituitary tumor, one slipped disc of last year adventure of I can do it all, and a dozen sleep-deprived breakdowns later… I’m starting to understand what no one tells us:
You don’t win anything for being the most tired in the room.
The Rebuild is Harder Than the Battle
The tumor’s gone. But my body? Still recovering. My back still hurts, some days I can’t sit long. Tinnitus still buzzes, even after cutting coffee.
My eyes sometimes can’t stand the sun, last year, I learned the name for those strange attacks: migraine with aura.
It feels at times like I have an enemy inside me.. but not one I could fight. Just one I have to learn to listen to.
The Sleep Discovery That Changed Everything
I started testing a theory: What if I slept before 22:00? And it was like unlocking a cheat code. The difference in my energy, my body, even my nervous system, was like night and day.
I realized rest wasn’t something I had to earn. It was something I had to protect.
Why Are Bad Habits So Easy and Good Ones So Hard?
I ask myself this all the time. Why is staying up till 12AM scrolling so natural, but going to bed on time feels like climbing a mountain?
Because we’re wired for survival, not serenity. And when you’ve lived years in loot-mode, anything slow feels like failure. But I’m learning to push past that feeling. Not with force—with kindness. Because I have no choice but to slow down.
Things I’m Still Learning to Say Without Guilt:
- “I’m tired” — without apologizing.
- “I can’t do more” — without explaining.
- “I matter too” — even if no one claps.
What Helps Me Right Now (Small but Real)
- No screen when I wake up (even if I slip up, I try)
- One minute of eyes closed, even if I can’t nap
- Knowing that if I sleep before 22:00, I win tomorrow ( even if is every other day)
🖤 Final Thought
The body keeps score. The nervous system remembers everything, every skipped meal, every lost night, every time you told it to “push through.”
But healing? Healing remembers too. It’s in the nights you go to bed early. In the moments you let go of being “strong.” In the days you stop trying to prove yourself.
And most of all, in the fact that you’re still trying. I don’t know if I’ll ever be the “old me” again. But I’m starting to meet someone new, and she’s softer, wiser, and maybe even stronger in a completely different way.
You’re not alone if you’re tired, even after healing. You’re just human. And still awesome.
With love and grace,
🫶🏻👾🎈🖖
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